-
Why is it that so often we don’t do things that can help out so much? Like for instance writing in this blog, as dumb as it may sound to some of you its helpful for me because its a way for me to get what Im thinking and feeling out there, and that helps me. But even knowing this I’ll go weeks, sometimes evens months without writing in here. It usually takes me no more than 5 or 10 minutes to get out what im trying to say, yet i’ll hold it in all in until I reach a breaking point. It would be so much easier on me to just set aside 5 or 10 minutes a day or every few days to do this, yet for some reason I don’t. I do it with more things in my life than just this blog as well, I do it with my spiritual life, praying and reading the bible and other books, working out and many other things. Its a question thats being raised in my mind because I am preaching tomorrow on doing litte hard things. Such as reading your bible, doing your homework, working out all that sort of stuff, the little things that you need to do in order to accomplish your bigger goals. Yet its something I struggle with tremendously. I guess its sort of a good thing because 1. I have good examples to give of what not to do, and 2. Its putting things into perspective for me. Its just weird to me how we are as humans, so often we will put off doing small things that would help us greatly but why? Why do we put of doing the little hard things?
-
I have never been one to open up very easily to others, I always put up these walls and don’t let people see the real me. Before I make a decision I think of what others might think or say. As im typing and thinking about this I realize just how pathetic it is. It effects me in pretty much every aspect of my life, what I drive, how I dress, how I talk, how I act, everything. It takes a tremendous toll on me, I am just now starting to grasp exactly how much it has effected me.
I feel like it effects every relationship I have, whether its with family, friends, or a girlfriend what ever the relationship is, I build up these walls and try to make people see what I want to them to see or who I want to be rather than who I am. The most troubling thought I have had is how this effects my relationship with God, if I build up these walls with family and friends I have also built them up with God. I have always longed for a deeper relationship with God, but I have these stupid walls and insecurities built up that I feel are preventing me from getting that closeness I desire. During worship I don’t sing out loud for fear of those around me hearing me and thinking im a bad singer or raise my hands to the sky for fear that other may make fun of me for it.
I am sick and tired of these barriers I build with God and everyone else in my life. Im sick of caring what others think, I have always tried to tell my self and everyone else I don’t care what others think of me, but I honestly do.
I have tried for 21+ years on my own, and have failed miserably, I’m sick of failure, sick of being held back by my insecurities and these walls that I’ve built up. I have finally realized its time for me to stop relying on my self, and rely on GOD. So if you are one of the few who read this thing some prayers would be much appreciated, I know I can’t do this on my own.
-
I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at websites such as twitter, youtube and facebook the past few days and have noticed what I find to be a disturbing trend. Its becoming the norm in our society to put down and make fun of other constantly. Trust me if you know me at all you know I have been guilty of this to the extreme and I probably don’t have any right to even comment about this. But I have been working on it, and feel as though I have improved tremendously on it. I see tweets on twitter and all it seems to be is people making fun of what other do and say or tweet about. Youtube people comment on videos hating on people they don’t know for no reason what so ever other than to be hateful. Its also become a popular trend to post videos mocking other videos, Im not talking about the light hearted mocking videos I am talking about the malicious ones that serve no purpose other than to try to make them selves feel “cool” by putting others down. Facebook is becoming just as bad if not worse than the other sites.
Its not just on social networking sites that I notice this trend either, listen to your co-workers or friends talk, making fun of someone just because they look or act differently than you do.
From a worldly perspective I understand where they are coming from in a way, its become the cool thing to do, Daniel Tosh is a prime example, he gets paid millions to make fun of other people to make himself look cool and get a few laughs. But what I don’t understand is the christian perspective, because as christians we (for the most part) are just as bad if not worse than everyone else. WE know better than that, and its our job to show CHRIST through our words and actions. When we blend in with society and continue in this trend it makes it difficult to tell the christians from the none.
I wanna challenge christians starting with my self, to step up, break out of this disturbing trend in society and show people JESUS through our words and actions.
[36] I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, [37] for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
(Matthew 12:36-37 ESV)
[29] Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
(Ephesians 4:29 ESV)
-
I’ve always kind of felt this way, but its been brought to my attention again due to all the talk about the Grammy’s and when I met Aaron Gillespie (the old drummer from Underoath) last week. I don’t get this countries and worlds obession with “celebrities”. I have been guilty of this in the past and in some aspects am still guilty of it. I just don’t understand the obsession some people get with an actor or athlete or singer or whoever it may be that they have never met, nor will probably ever meet. What makes them so special?
I understand that they are on tv and the media is constantly talking about them and all that but especially as christians I don’t understand how we can put any person other than God on a pedestal like that.
A) They are no different than you or I, except for the fact they have more money than us and more people know who they are.
B) Most of the people we “idolize” aren’t even christians. So we are breaking a fundamental rule of christianity of idolizing another person or thing other than God, that isn’t even living for God.
This is a sad but true way to look at it, Christians out there how many of us know more about a celebrity than we do our own God? How many of us know more stats for our favorite athlete or sports team than we know scriptures from the bible? That one is the one that hits home for me, I have looked up to people in the past, but I haven’t ever taken stardome too serious. I do however probably know more statistics or players names from my favorite sports teams than I do people in the bible or scriptures in the bible.
I want to challenge especially christians out there to take a step back, knock our “idols” off of the pedestal we have put them on and replace that spot with God. The one who actually matters, last time I checked Justin Timberlake or Travis Barker couldn’t get me into heaven but Jesus Christ can.
-
Cutting out the Distractions
Its been quite some time since I have updated this. I would love to be able to say that it’s because I have been spending all my time improving my relationship with God, and on my self as a person, But that would be lying to all 2 of all my followers.
I recently was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who happens to be the youth pastor I am interning under, about priorities and distractions. I have known him for a very long time, and throughout all the years of knowing him he has always been a big gamer. He had gotten a lot better than the old W.O.W days where you might not see him for a few days but he still played quite frequently. We got on to the topic of priorities and distractions because I was trying to get him to indulge in a game of Madden with me. He refused and explained to me that he gave up video games. He told me about him sitting down and figuring out how much time he spent playing them and how it took priority in almost everything in his life. He also said something that struck me and has caused me to think about my distractions, he said I don’t wanna wake up 30 years from now and not have accomplished what God wanted me to do because of video games or any other distractions.
That statement has been floating around in my head since we had that convo a few weeks back, and it is causing me to make some changes in my life. Cut out the distractions and get my priority’s straight.
Yesterday I made the first change in what I believe to be in the right direction by giving my 42” plasma television to my Sister and brother in law for a least a few months. I don’t think watching tv is bad, because I am still going to watch it. However what I do think is bad, is watching is as much as I was, and also just laying in bed watching it all the time. And when I say all the time I pretty much mean all the time. If I wasn’t at church, work, or a friends, chances are good you could catch me posted up in my bed either watching tv or playing a game of madden. Usually with a mt dew and some sort of snack right by my side.
I don’t want to live like that anymore. I KNOW God is calling me to do better things in my life than lay around watching tv. I don’t want to wake up in 30 years and not have accomplished what I know God wants me to accomplish.
So tonight I took the first step, The first night without a tv in my room I finished a book I have been needing to finish for over a month. Read the last 70+ pages tonight (which for me is a big accomplishment cuz Im new at the whole reading books thing). I also read the bible tonight on my own for the first time in months. Its amazing what you can accomplish when you cut out all the distractions and focus on what really matters.
-
“New Year”
I have never gotten the hype of the “new year”, the new year has always seemed to me to be a time when majority of people create unrealistic goals they have for this year. Only to come up short and then complain about how bad of a year it was. I don’t understand the thinking behind most new years resolutions. Why do people think one night of drinking heavily and staying up late is going to transfer into motivation to better ones self the next year? I hear people use the excuse ill wait till “new years” before starting something, such as weight loss, budgeting, or whatever it may be. But once its that time they still don’t do it.
Its not about a new year its about not being lazy and acting upon your goals to better your self. I have never made a new years resolution or at least not one that I can remember. And i’m not going to start now, However I am going to stop being lazy and do what I need to do to better my self this year.
I am going to focus this year and all my years from now on on my relationship with god. What I mean by that is actually putting in the work that it takes to be in a relationship with god. Not just telling people Im a christian but not doing anything to better my self as one.
The way that looks for me this year is by starting to read the bible, im going to be honest, I have never read it before. Out of pure laziness and lack of motivation. I will also be focusing on my prayer life and reading other books that will help me out with this process.
Im not setting an end goal for my self, mainly because there isn’t a goal to achieve, you should never be satisfied with your relationship with god, you should always want to better it and become closer to god.
This post wasn’t meant to slam those of you that have new year resolutions, even though it probably will come across as that. The main reason for this is to share my point of view, that is has nothing to do with it being a new year. It has to be about you wanting to better your self and to stop being lazy and actually do it.
-
Frustration
Im not the type of person to usually show my emotions in front of others. Not sure why, but I tend to hold everything inside until it reaches a certain point and then It explodes out. Im working on being more open with emotions but the only place I seem to be able to bare everything is on this blog. Not sure why that is but for now Ill just have to roll with it.
I find my self getting more and more frustrated with life situations lately. I see other people and judge my “success” upon what others have or are doing. I know this is the wrong way to go about this, but Im not sure how to change that way of thinking.
I just feel like people don’t take me seriously. I know for a lot of that I have only my self to blame. But I am trying to make changes and I feel like no one is taking them seriously. I know I need to just trust in Gods plan for my life but it can be very difficult.
I see friends in college or already started in their careers and then I look at where im at, working a job I hate. I feel like im being called into ministry whether it be Outreach or youth pastor or something of that nature. All I know is I want to do something to help people know God. But I constantly feel judged for not being in school and not knowing what Im going to do with my life.
The other area that I continue to become more and more frustrated with is the whole relationship stuff. With friends and with a girlfriend. I seem to always be in the just friends category. I don’t know what I do to get into that but I find my self in it alot. it just gets frustrating putting your self out there to be told your only seen as a friend or to be denied for some other reason. I hate complaining about this and normally don’t but its extremely frustrating to be upset by it, then have friends throw it in my face that im not in a relationship and haven’t been for quite some time. I dunno i guess i just feel like a joke sometimes. Like if I wasn’t the first person to text my friends I don’t know if they would text me to hang out.
I’ve just had a really rough few days. Venting out frustration. Im done being dramatic, I just need to refocus on God and trust in his plan.
-
For christians out there how many times have you been told not to shove religion down peoples throats? I assume you’re like me and have been told that time and time again. Until recently I bought into that crap, not anymore.
Why can people post status’s about having a party and getting drunk, also inviting people to a party, or expletive filled status or song quotes and its fine. But as soon as a christian post a status about god or trying to get people to go to church we are shoving religion down your throat? Double standard much? And christians have the stereotype of being hypocritical, if you ask me the worldly people are the ones that are hypocritical.
I am done listening to the haters, I am doing what I need to do for the Kingdom of God. If you don’t like it, hide me on facebook or do whatever you need to do.
-
(No homo to this whole paragraph)
Tonight is one of those nights where I really miss one of my best friends Joel. Just being able to sit around and talk to someone and be completely real, knowing that no matter what I say he won’t judge or think less of me. I need that, don’t get me wrong I still have some good friends back in davenport, but I don’t feel near as comfortable with them as I do Joel. Im stoked to go to Omaha next weekend to hang out…
On a lighter note Scum of the City really couldn’t have gone much better the last two weeks. I have never seen God move in such a way as he did last wednesday except at Summer Games. To see kids completely open up to people they barely know and be real, and not worry about what others would thing was amazing. God has big things in store for that ministry. I am so thankful to be a part of it.
-
Stressed
S.O.T.C starts today. Im so stoked, months of planning and hard work have been put into this day. Im so excited to see what God has in store for us. Some big things have already happened and more are in the works.
I love what I do at S.O.T.C. I have found it to be my passion. Not only planning everything and being involved with the creation of it, But interning with the outreach stuff. That is what I want to do for a living. I have felt a call to ministry for some time but never knew exactly what. And as i go along in the process of starting up S.O.T.C it has made me think this is what im called to do.
The frustrating thing that has me so stressed out is that Its an internship, don’t get me wrong I love doing the internship I have no problem doing it, I volunteered to do it and knew what I was getting my self into. I am just miserable working at my job to pay the bills. Not that its a terrible job, Its just not what I feel like im being called to do. Going to work to sell office supplies just isn’t cutting it for me when I feel im supposed to be involved in ministry full time.
I know God has a plan for me and when Im supposed to be in ministry if I am supposed to be in ministry he will work it out and hook me up. But its just very frustrating and stressful in the meantime. I know that I need to just give it up to God and trust in him. Its just difficult to do.
